Motivation

The importance of supporting mom for a small and maturing girl is difficult to overestimate, is it not?

In this article we want to tell you as much as possible correctly and gently to help your daughter to become a confident and decent girl, and in the future grow into a beautiful woman with full wealth of self-esteem, confidence and self-love.

How to support her, in the most difficult moments of personality formation and also learn how to provide this support to yourself, to you as a mother, it is very important to learn this too. After all, you have already noticed that our children are learning “about us”. If we complain about life and do not give ourselves permission for something more, then they adopt it, copying.

We offer to make your life and the life of your princesses even more beautiful, brighter and more beautiful.

Where do I propose to start. Of course, from age. At each age from birth to 16 years, the formation of an attitude to oneself, to the world and to what “me” in this world takes place. Whether the world accepts me or not. We will focus on such an age as 5-6, 6-7, 7-8, 8-9, 9-10, 10-11, 11-14 years and beyond, because in this period there are many features of each year of life . And this feature is connected with the maturing of the psyche of our beautiful children.

We will divide the approach to each age into three groups of 5-8 years, 8-10 years and 10-14 years. The human psyche has special needs in each such period. Here we will talk about them.

How to motivate support and help your child to form a healthy attitude towards himself and his body, confidence in you and herself, her success.

  • 5 to 8 years

First of all, remember that children look at you and unknowingly copy your form of behavior both with others and with themselves. Be sure to pay attention to this item.

The second feature of this group is the need to praise. Literally for everything. I drew a picture – say: “How beautiful it is, how well done you are!”. I did something myself, even if with your inconspicuous help, select it again and be sure to say: “How well you do it all right the first time, good job,” and if something didn’t go according to plan, don’t be in a hurry to scold and to punish, try to explain to her that the action itself, which has now been done, is not quite the way I would like to see him, and she herself is not bad. That she did everything right, but for the future, let her choose another way to solve her question. Offer her other solutions. Tell us how else you could solve this. Do not be afraid to “praise” such a thing does not exist. It was invented in the Soviet time to create a manipulation on this basis, so do not be afraid of it, but simply find something for which you can praise it.

Why is it so important not to relate a bad deed, in your opinion, to the girl herself? In order not to form in her the realization that she is the “bad” one, since she did so, and that now she is not loved. And that you need to do everything “right.” I think you already know that such a concept as “Right” is very relative and it is important to explain this to the girl so that in the future she can consciously choose the “right” decision for her. If this freedom of choice is not formed, then in the future it can hit very hard on self-esteem and self-identification.

Also in this age group it is important to say that she is beautiful. Pay attention to her facial features, eye color, hair, nails, the outfits she dresses and the way she is gorgeous and beautiful in them. Pay her attention precisely to the fact that it is she who adorns a dress or pants with a blouse, or any other outfit. In the future, this will help her to feel that way in any clothes; she will know for sure that this SHE adorns the outfit, and not vice versa. This will help in the future not to become dependent on what she is wearing and will give inner freedom.

  • 8-10 years

This is a special age. This is a preparation and further transition into the pubertal period of growing up of the child. At this age, children are already very, very smart. They understand the connection, understand what is happening now, strongly feel the lies and fluctuations in the mood of the people around them. Begin to study yourself and your body. Ask, ask how the world of people works. They see a lot and hear what is happening around. During this period, it is important to build trust.

Trust form as follows. The most important thing is constantly repeating to the child that you love him by anyone, that she can come and tell everything, and you will come up with a solution together. What if she learned something new and interested her, but she does not understand what this information is about, she can ALWAYS ask you about it. You are the person who will always tell her the truth and help you figure out any question. Girls at this age have a lot of questions about themselves and their bodies, about boys, about relationships, what marriage is and why people do it. And much more, which in our opinion looks clear. In no case do not ridicule or devalue her question, according to the type: “What are you asking for? What kind of nonsense? And how did it even occur to you? ”Do not be ashamed of her for these questions. On how at this stage you can build trust between you, it depends on what your relationship with her will be in not just adolescence, puberty. Just in time for it, we will proceed now.

Another very important period of the formation of the relationship of the girl and the world.

  • 10-14 years

The age from 10 to 14 years is the most psychologically difficult for both parents and children. How you can support and help your girlfriend during this period will determine your future relationship with her and her attitude towards yourself.

This is the period in which we give a choice to a child, already a teenager and a formed personality. The first and most important awareness that parents should have during this period is that the adolescent has his own opinion and needs to be treated with respect. Even if you know for sure that this is complete absurdity, and so it is not worth doing. The second important point, if the girl insists on something of his own, do not try to break or persuade her, share RESPONSIBILITY with her. Tell her different versions of events that may be possible consequences. ONLY I ask you not to intimidate children in advance! I’ll tell you an example. One of my friends has a daughter and she is 12 years old, she wants to go everywhere with the phone and refuses to leave him at home. One day, she broke a glass on it. After that, the parents replaced the glass and again offered her, nevertheless, to leave the phone at home when she goes to the playground or is somewhere near the house. She refused again. And then the following measure is taken: the girl is told the options for the development of events as a result of the broken glass again, sharing responsibility with her. Here is an example: “Look, it has already happened that the glass has broken, my dad and I replaced it. If you still choose to go to the platform with the phone, and it suddenly breaks again, then you will have to change the glass at your own expense. You will need to earn money and replace the glass. Therefore, look, of course, itself. You make a decision and you are responsible for that decision. ”

This story is an example of the fact that at the end we do not intimidate a child, but allow him to make any choice with an awareness of the consequences. In the end, we give him the right to decide which choice to make.

Thus, you share different behavioral strategies with your child, talk about possible dangers and of course share responsibility with them.

 

There is also such a thing as controlled risk. These are the circumstances that you can control by and large, but still allow the child to make an independent choice. Such an approach greatly helps a young girl, a person, to feel strong, independent, to feel that she is trusted and that she can make independent decisions. That she has such a right. For your child’s happy and free future, this is extremely important and necessary.

In any case, the most important task of parents is to support their child on any of his paths, even if it seems to you that this is not at all the same path, trust her. Believe me, she will not let you down. She needs her experience, and she will somehow get it. Only with your acceptance and support it will be much easier for her to go around the world and achieve success. After all, behind her back such a strong and reliable support, as her parents.

I wish you to be supporting, loving and happy parents!

Olga Karcher

PhD in psychology

With love and best wishes to your family!